Are you one of those people who sit in the plane during the whole flight adopting the crash position and when someone asks you why, you answer: “waiting…” ?, Did you know there’s more chances of you dying on your way to the airport, than actually onboard a flight?
Yep, statistics show there’s a 1 in 20,331 chance of dying while inside a vehicle compared to the 502,554 on board a plane.I’m planning to go to Spain this week (la Costa Del Sol, my childhood southern region to be more precise) for 3 months and though I don’t fear flying as I’ve practically been nourished till adolescence with airline peanuts, I always like putting in some research on my upcoming activities to see what interesting things I discover and share some of my own personal findings and secrets for those who plan to travel =).
Fear of Flying
The fear of flying is probably one of the most common fears you will find, not only because of people who suffer from Aerophobia…but it combines other popular fears as well, such as: Acrophobia (fear of heights), Agoraphobia (anxiety of escape being difficult), Aquaphobia (fear of drowning), Claustrophobia (fear of confined spaces), Emetophobia (fear of vomiting), Mysophobia (fear of germ contamination), Ochlophobia (fear of crowds), Thantophobia (excessive fear of death).Personally…I think it can be amusing, wait for the captain to announce: “Welcome to your Perth – London Qantas flight, my name is Joseph Lopez and I’ll be flying you there…” at this point you anxiously grab onto your arm rests, make a horrified facial expression and yell out: “Shit!, not HIM again!!!” as you observe the whole cabin start panicking.
It’s understandable though to find flying so terrifying, every time a plane crashes the media makes a catastrophic news spectacle because proportionally so many lives are taken away at once…but in comparison to car accidents, planes aren’t piloted by drunk 16 year old boys with too much testosterone who earned the L plates hanging on their rear window after a 3 hour course, yet we have become so accustomed to hearing about the far more frequent car crashes we think of it as something inevitable, think about this, out of the thousands of planes in the sky at any given moment we hear on the news about an air plane crash in some remote country nobody has ever heard of every once in a while…have you ever seen the news report about car accidents in that same country? or in any country outside of your own for that matter?
Safest Seats
There is many different theories as to which is the safest seat on a plane, some say it really doesn’t matter…that is not true, others say you should choose a seat on top of the wings as the structure of the plane is re-enforced in that area to withstand the weight…but it’s also where fuel lines to the engines pass =S, there’s basically two areas on a plane you can choose, one will increase your chances of survival in the case of a crash landing while the other increases your chances during an emergency exit, whichever you choose though I suggest you always pick an aisle seat over a window one…not only does it increase your chances of survival in either case by 7% offering a quicker exit, but as much as I love watching the 20 minute views of the ascent/descent followed by 16 hours of empty sky and engine sound, I prefer to be able to go pee and stretch my legs whenever I want without having to apologize for the inconvenience after sticking my ass in someones face to get out.
- Emergency exit seats: Most people think airplane accidents are always completely catastrophic when in fact 56% of accidents account for hard landings, bad takeoffs, runway collisions, loss of control and other survivable events usually with low fatalities, these are the situations where you have to worry more about how you’ll get out of the plane than how to survive the landing.
An investigation by the Civil Aviation Authority lead to the conclusion that the best survival rates were found in front or behind the first 5 emergency exit rows of a plane, passengers sitting towards the front of the aircraft had a 65% chance of escaping a fire, compared to the 53% of those who sat closer to the rear.That’s all nice and everything but unless you pre-book your seats in advance, purchase them online or are a member of the enrich program many airlines offer (I recommend you search their official website and see if it’s available to sign up, they’re usually free and you might get seat upgrades/special treatment), you most likely will be assigned one on a first-come first-served basis and if your unlucky enough to get one of the “barbecue” seats…there’s always a Plan B.
As soon as I get on an aircraft I start analyzing the surroundings of my seat, the flight attendant will ask everyone to look for their nearest exit, usually the most obvious choice isn’t the best one…look for the exit way that has the weakest links, weakest links you ask? yep…the one with the fat guy, cripples, old people and all those passengers that will have a slow reaction to evacuate the aircraft and you can push out of the way.Don’t look at me like that, it’s survival of the fittest…I’m joking! =P, kind of, here is a seating chart that will give you the best chances in case of an emergency:
- Crash landing seats: The most dreaded situation you can find yourself in is a crash landing scenario…the flight attendants try to make it sound fun and call it a “Water Landing” but deep down you know they mean “Crash Into The Sea and Drown“, the same way Economy Class is a nice euphemism where it actually sounds like your helping the global economy or at least the ecosystem when everyone knows your just financially challenged, though in this case having a small wallet might actually help you…
A few online researches found the back of the plane is thought to be the safest spot on the aircraft after studying all accidents since 1971 and average seating location of the survivors, so basically First Class passengers are paying extra money to die a quick and painless death while Business and the first rows of Economy are left a few more nanoseconds of agonizing await or a slow death from hypothermia/burning/drowning due to lack of funds.It makes sense though, when was the last time you saw a plane flying in reverse? these are the situation where the oxygen masks drop and you are asked to breath normally, right…like it’s so normal and we’re all use to breathing while screaming because we’re heading into out almost certain deaths, usually you’re nose diving (affects first class on impact), belly hop (affects business class) or snap off the tail (theres a fair distance between the rear seats and tail) in an attempt to land.
Mmm, this is probably why they choose to carry the Blackbox at the left rear of the plane…, you have to be prepared for one thing though, the backseat passengers are the ones who get to meet all the nervous diarrhea sufferers inline for the restroom and the many people who choose to walk at the end of the plane with mysterious revolting bodily gases appearing around the last place they “stretched”.
A seating chart for those planning to do long trips offering the safest option in a crash landing:
My Prospect For The Flight
After having researched a bit about my future endeavours, I start planning out in my head how things will work out, like wondering…what will the airplane pilots do for 16 hours while controlling the aircraft? they can’t watch movies or listen to music as their eyes have to constantly be on the horizon, so what’s left? play I Spy With My Little Eye!..though the options seem rather limited, it either begins with an S or begins with a C, maybe that’s why they like to mess with your head and turn on the ‘fasten seat belt’ sign quite often to get a giggle out of it, kind of like ‘Simon Says’ only with a death risk if you lose, and if you’re rebellious and don’t play along…they start showing ‘Air Crash Investigation’ in every channel on your tv.
When I book my ticket I sometimes wonder if I should order a vegetarian meal…you know just to rub it in everyone’s face when they start serving the food and the passengers with “Special” menus get first servings while the other neanderthal meat and sugar eaters can only sit and wait in hunger as they watch me lick my lips in delight and rub my hands at the sight of my rabbit-food feast…I also like to steal a spoon take a souvenir from every flight, not sure why, I’ve done it since my first flight and have a collection of airplane spoons with their logos.One thing you should highly consider on your next trip is to ask for a seat in the first aisle if you can, not only because of the safe quick exit as I mentioned above but also it offers extra foot space as they need to leave a wide area for the exit doors and space in the middle aisle to walk through.
Waiting in the boarding room to be called I’ll finally hear the announcement speech, “Passengers from flight 013-666, boarding has commenced, proceed to get on the aircraft”, at this point I’ll have to rush to the boarding ticket lady/effeminate guy and complain, “Please don’t do this to me again, the travel agent told me I got to go INside the plane this time…it’s cold out there =(“.I still remember having to travel a few months after the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks and as soon as I heard the captain announce in his try hard rusty-cowboy voice, “Laddiiesss annnd gentlemen…pleeease switch off alll youuur mobile phones annnd communication devices…” I immediately thought, “crap!, any second after take off a couple dozen people are going to stand up with mobiles and laptops in their hands and yell; ‘FOR ALLAH!!!, quick everyone press the call button simultaneously…’”.
For more information on the latest occurrences, accidents and deaths of airlines world wide, visit the Aviation Safety Network.
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