It all started last week when I could find nothing to eat, lingering around the kitchen in the unsuccessful search for food through cupboards and the refrigerator…I returned to the fridge a few minutes later hoping something new would have somehow materialized (you know we all do it…), having hit rock bottom I thought to myself, “Geeze!, I need to learn how to cook, last time I tried…the flies pitched in to fix the ripped screen doors and the cockroaches hung themselves with my dental floss =|”.My dreams of Martha Stewart one day inviting me to live with her are slowly fading away and though I’ll keep my fingers crossed, I’ll have to do something about it in the mean time.Off I went to sign myself up to a local cooking class, of course as always with my paranoias and what not I thought it would be a good idea to go in disguise but as you can see from the picture above my incognito attempt wasn’t to subtle and the cooking teacher (Mrs Xu) asked me to remove the wig and glasses at once.

This was one pissed off looking Asian lady…the first thing she asked us was to make something simple and explain it to her, so off we went and did our thing and before I knew it the time was over and it was our turn to explain it to her…what she left out however was the fact that we had to do it in front of the whole class =|.The guy to my left seemed to be as nervous as I was when his turn came to go up there, Mrs Xu asked him, “Please explain your dish”, Andrew I think he was called said, “It’s, uhhhh, a hamburger? I don’t know”, Mrs Xu’s angrily nodded him off and called me up, as I swallowed some saliva and thought to myself “bloody hell…why did you go and make a hamburger/sandwich as well!?”, I walked the corridor in between the work benches experiencing what it must feel to walk the green mile, I looked at her as she saw my plate and you could clearly see the expression “oh, not another one!” pass through her mind…you’d be surprised at what the sight of an Asian lady frowning her eyebrows, clinching her fist around the chopping machete and widening her eyes can do to you…I was inspired! if only to save my hand from ending the main course of her next meal, I said: “…delicately braised tips of beef, ground, in a marinate of spice mayonnaise, topped with a thick, soft, creamy tang of melted cheddar, counterweighted by the crisp, cool freshness of water mist lettuce and sprouts will all dance gently in your mouth with the surprising rhythm of a pickle…”.It actually looked pretty good, pitty it tasted like what I’d assume grass after a cow regurgitates it would taste like but she’ll never know…

From my short lived (yeah Martha, still waiting…) cooking lessons though I gained many experiences which left me ponding, the secrets behind words, quotes and why I appear to be so random =)
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