Body language is extremely useful in your day to day life, apart from being more successful at life in general (since the whole world is run by people all with hidden thoughts and agendas), it can help you at socializing such as making better impressions to appear likable or friendly, when dating to learn love interest signs and flirtations, in your career, job applications and interactions, to win at a game of poker or chess, finding out if someone is lying to you, at changing your emotional state by using the law of cause and effect, but most important of all, to read in between the lines of any given situation and have a more in-depth awareness of what is happening around you.
» Read more: The Beginners Guide To Body Language
Posts Tagged ‘Body Language’
The Beginners Guide To Body Language
January 26th, 2010Body Language: Hand Shakes
January 26th, 2010
While Orientals saluted each other with a polite bow, Westerners shook their hands and displayed their palms to appear honest and demonstrate no weapons were being concealed, i.e, there was no hidden intentions, in ancient Rome however, they didn’t shake hands but rather grabbed each others forearms as it was common for them to carry daggers concealed around their wrists area.
Different Types Of Hand Shakes
One thing I’ve learned while doing business in Real Estate is you can tell a lot about someones character simply by how they shake your hand.Extroverts have firm confident grips while shy people and neurotics tend to do it soft and gently, there’s many types of handshakes you will come across every day, here are a few:
Hand Hug: The handhug is popular with politicians, it’s when they choose to wrap your handshake with their left hand creating this warm cocoon protecting your hand.When done to the right person, they are perceived as being warm, friendly, trustworthy and honest, sometimes it is reciprocated creating this pile of 4 hands, but this type of handshake is only done with people who share close bonds, as similar to hugs, it’s seen as an invasion of intimacy when done by people who’ve just met.On that same note, you will also see some people use their left hand to grasp the other persons forearm, elbow, bicep and even shoulder while shaking hands, we stretch out our arms to shake hands to keep people out of our personal space and protect our body…the higher up the arm the other person is seen putting their left hand, the closer the bond those two people share (or at least the person doing the double hander handshake believes they do or wants to portray it, like in some politicians cases).
Dominator: As I wrote in my Palms and Thumbs article, someone who displays their palm downwards shows a sign of authority or superiority, every now and again you’ll notice someone who likes to shake hands while their hand is on top and their palm is facing the ground.It’s useful to know about this handshake as it may come in handy in certain situations like letting your boss feel powerful by ’submitting’ to his dominance or if your apologizing about something, letting them have their palm on top will make them feel in control of the situation.
Cold and Clammy: Some of you might of experienced this one before…it’s one of those handshakes where the person has a cold sweaty hand, sometimes it is associated with weak characters or lack of energy used by passive or apathetic people.Though more commonly, it can be found in nervous people whos blood flows away from the cells below the palm (dermis) and is diverted to the arm and leg muscles as our ancestors needed the extra blood there to fight their enemies or run away in nervous/dangerous situations.Also take into consideration 1/20 people suffer from Hyperhydrosis a condition that creates severe sweating.
Crusher: The overly aggressive personality types favorite because they think it displays confidence and power, this is the handshake that makes your knuckles grind each other when shaking, and leaves your hand in numbing pain afterwards that you dread the moment you have to shake their hand goodbye again.Depending on the pressure, it is also used with less strength by individuals with a desire to dominate occasionally out of weakness or fear they will be dominated by others if they don’t do it first.
Queens Fingertips:This is quite common in male-female encounters, as women need more personal space than men, they will stretch out their hand (sometimes in an awkward position) from a distance allowing the other person to barely grasp the two or three fingers without a good grip of the hand.It is also used by individuals who feel superior to the other person, e.g: The Queen, therefore stretching out their hands with their palms downwards (sign of authority/superiority) and only allowing a hold of the fingers.
Keep Back: Another type of handshake used by the aggressive types, the main purpose of this one is to keep you at a distant and away from their personal space as they might feel threatened, they will lean forward or balance on one foot to achieve needed distance.It can also be common to find this type of handshake in people who were raised in country/rural areas as the personal space for people in such areas is much larger than the personal space needed for individuals raised in the crowded cities.
Yank and Pull: This one is considered a power play, it’s when a person decides to grab your arm and pull you in close towards them and inside their territory/personal space, there is three possible reasons for this; the person is insecure and needs you to be in their own territory in order to feel comfortable and safe, or they come from a culture/city that requires smaller space needs, and finally; they want to take control and get you off balance…literally, in any of these cases , they should be considered manipulative because they want things done a certain way.
A proper handshake should last from 3 to 6 seconds, be equally balanced meaning each persons hand is vertically side by side, thumbs must be locked around each others upper hand and fingers have a firm grip, always put the same amount of pressure you are receiving, mentally give a calculation from 1 to 10 of what strength they are using and adjust accordingly.
This article is part of the Beginners Guide To Body Language series, please read the rest of the articles by clicking here.
Body Language: Head
January 26th, 2010
Head movements are thought of having been our first method of communication in ancestral times, one of the reasons being after studying people who were deaf, dumb and blind they observed they also used these gestures, the Head Nod as a positive movement and the Head Shake as a negative gesture (as mentioned in the initial chapter used by babies to refuse drinking more milk or when being spoon fed), the Head Nod is also believed to be an ancient form of bowing down in submissive agreement with someone but symbolically stopping at the head.Apart from the Neutral head position where the head is perfectly centered, these are the 3 most important gestures you should remember:
Head Downwards/Shrug: Hiding the neck by lowering the chin to protect it, is a clear display of a judgmental, aggressive or negative attitude in the person.It’s a subconscious gesture used by ourselves knowing that we have deceitful or bad intentions and therefore we should protect our vulnerable throats and necks from being attacked by the other person if they were to find out what our thoughts were.Shrugging our shoulders to protect our neck and throat however have a totally different meaning, we usually shrug our shoulders when we feel in 
danger, like when someone is aiming a gun at us and we display our palms to show we are honest and submissive meaning no threat while raising our shoulders to protect our neck, when we hear a balloon pop or a bomb go off out first reaction is to hide our neck inside our shoulders, when a parent hits a child he will shrug as well, even in things like going to the cinema and walking to our seats during a movie…we will shrug our necks and raise our shoulders trying to appear smaller and stop from being attacked by the angry yelling crowd who we are walking in front of.
Sideways Head: Another head gesture that reveals the neck but carries a totally different meaning to the Head Upwards, in this case revealing their vulnerable neck and making themselves smaller is a sign of submissiveness, as a cowardly dog that puts his tail in between his legs, lowering his head and displaying his neck to the other dog as a way of saying “I’m at your mercy, I have no intent to attack you”, this sign of submissiveness has been exploited by century old folkloric stories such as those of the Vampir’s…where the Vampire sucked the blood of the helpless damsels neck.Not surprisingly, this submissive body language gesture can be found very often amongst women in intimate conversations with their friends or while flirting with men who the majority, find such submissive and non threatening gestures attractive.
Head Upwards: Characterized by the snobbish head upwards, with the chin pointing forward and slightly looking down at you over their nose, this head position is taken by people who feel fearless, arrogance or superiority.This is a technique used to gain height as well as reveal their throat as a way of showing they don’t feel threatened by the person they are talking to.
This article is part of the Beginners Guide To Body Language series, please read the rest of the articles by clicking here.
Body Language: Arm Gestures
January 26th, 2010
Arm Shields
Humans as a defensive mechanism, always have had the need to hide behind something in search of protection, as children it was behind tables, chairs or our parents if we saw a scary looking dog, around 7 we knew that wasn’t possible anymore so we would cross our arms quite tightly when we were throwing tantrums and being brats knowing we might get spanked, in our adolescence we’d cross our arms more subtly and also combine it with crossing our legs and as adults we’ve found even less obvious ways of giving us that security and protection we so badly crave.
Crossed Arms: This is when the arms are neatly folded across the chess to protect the heart, lungs and other vital orgasms as well as breasts in womens cases.We will most likely do it when we feel nervous, negative towards something/someone or are in a defensive attitude (like someone making fun of your dress/t shirt and you crossing your arms in response).Monkeys have also been observed to do the exact same gesture when they feel in a threatening situation, you can commonly see them in public meetings amongst strangers, elevators, cashier shopping lines or any place where we feel insecure or uncertain of our surroundings.
Crossed Arms With Fists: If apart from crossing their arms, they have clinched fists, it’s a strong sign of hostility as well as defensiveness as mentioned in my Palms & Thumbs article.It’s an aggressive and attacking attitude that you should watch our for, many times found in jobs that require those attributes such as bouncers or police men standing guard (patrolling ones will rarely cross their arms as they have a weapon for protection and thats enough, same goes for anyone wearing a body armor…they’ll never cross their arms).
Self-Reassurance Cross: This one is when someone crosses their arms while grabbing tightly their biceps or elbows, it is a display of a fearful, negative, restrained or insecure attitude.Ever wondered why the fetus position was created? it’s the ultimate self reassurance physical action whereby we use our knees and legs to protect our vital organs and body locking that position with our arms and lowering our vulnerable neck (predators went for the neck) as well as head.You can commonly find such self reassuring gestures at hospital/doctor waiting rooms, airport lounges with first time travelers or defendants at court room hearings.
Arm Crossed With Thumbs: Also mentioned in the Palms and Thumbs article, displaying the thumbs is a sign of a superiority or self confident inner attitude, this gesture can very often be seen in situations where someone is feeling they are cool and in control while still maintaining a level of protection with the crossed arms just in case.This could be seen for example in an exam, where the student feels confident about his abilities to answer correctly yet still feels a bit threatened by something going wrong.
One Crossed Arm: This type of body shield is a single arm crossing the chest and grabbing or touching the bicep or elbow of the opposite arm, as young children our parents would embrace or hug us when we were going through a distressful moment, as adults we try to recreate that same comforting feeling by doing it ourselves.It resembles a self hug and is more popular amongst woman than men, you can often find this arm gesture in social group situations where one of the individuals is a stranger to the group and feels they lack self confidence.
Self Holding Hands: This type of arm gesture is the male version of the predominant female ‘One Crossed Arm’ mentioned above, used by men who are insecure or lack self confidence in a certain situation.You can find this pose in some men who are awaiting to speak in front of a big crowd and are nervous, at funerals, it can also be observed in homeless men standing in line to await a plate of food or waiting in line to receive a social security benefit…men will feel more secure if they protect their “Family Jewels” and can unconsciously avoid receiving a frontal blow, the more obvious example of this being soccer players making a barrier in front of a free shot from the opposite team.Adolf Hitler only had one testicle so he regularly adopted this position (or at least with only one arm protecting the jewels) when in public to mask the sexual inadequacy he felt.
Subtle Arm Crosses: People of high status such as politicians, celebrities or people in high positions can’t afford to look nervous or unsure about themselves as they are constantly in the limelight, they cant walk around crossing their arms or with their hands in front of their crotch so instead they choose subtler ways of crossing arms and achieve that secure feeling once more.Men will go for things like adjusting their watches or shirt cufflinks, fiddle with their ring if they have one, scratch their wrists, checking inside their wallets or mobile phones, anything that makes the arms get in front of the body when they feel nervous and in full view of others such as entering parties, new crowds, walking through 
wedding dance floors and so forth.Women however have more advantages as they carry accessories for when they feel self conscious or insecure, many women use their purse as a barrier, they also have more jewelry to ‘adjust’ and fiddle around with, at clubs for example you can notice some people hold their drinks with two hands instead of one…unless its a cold winter night and the cup has some warm tea, it is rather pointless.A popular one that men and women do alike is sitting at a table contrary to you and placing the glass/cup on the opposite side of the arm they use to move it, that way they have to cross one arm in front of their body to reach it and can remain with their arms crossed in front of you while touching the glass.
Other Arm Gestures
Some of the other arm involving gestures you will find on a daily basis are these:
Superman: Used by body builders, models and popularized by Superman, this arm gesture can have several different meanings dependent on how it is used.In the animal kingdom, appearing bigger when they feel in danger or threatened is a survival technique against fellow predators, take a simple house cat for instance and notice how their bodies will rise, their fur will stand and their legs will stretch when they are alarmed by something.Humans are also believed to have such primitive defense techniques though not so noticeable, we have things like “goosebumps” thanks to the erectile pillae in our skin where our ancestors use to be hairy and their hair would slightly 
rise when they had that “goosebumps” sensation in moments of fear or vulnerability (goosebumps also occurring during love), as we can’t appear larger anymore with such primitive survival techniques we have developed arm gestures such as resting our Hands On Our Waist.It is actually called the Readiness Gesture because it indicates the person is about to act assertively and it has a slightly aggressive/competitive attitude in it…if you go to a gym you’ll see someone standing in front of a machine staring at it while using this pose, or an Athlete before the event be displaying this pose, a wife nagging at her husband with one hand on her hip (one hand or two has the same meaning), a guy flirting with a girl trying to appear assertive in his decision making of picking her.This gesture should be read in a group as I 
mentioned in the initial article as having the head sideways for example while doing it indicates submissiveness so it means they are ‘ready to be told what to do’ or doing it after putting their legs together (paying attention) and zipping up their jacket which can indicate they are trying to protect their chest and are frustrated with what is happening.This readiness gesture is frequently used by runway models who want to display the clothes they are wearing are for the assertive fashionistas.
Package: Similar to the above readiness gesture only this one isn’t made to appear larger, in fact the elbows are tilted inwards and the hands rest on the belt or pants pockets by using the thumbs as leverage, this is used to direct the person they are interacting with to their crotch by using their hands as highlighters of that area…it is considered a dominant gesture used by men to appear fearless, it’s commonly seen at local bars or pubs by men and women alike while flirting.
There is others types of arm movements and gestures as well but I won’t go into the more advanced ones, a simple common one occurs during hugging.Many times this goes unnoticed as a sign of affection but in reality it’s the total opposite, when you watch two people hugging you’ll notice sometimes one of them starts tapping the back of the other with one hand…this is mistaken as a warm affectionate pat on the back when it fact it’s signaling the other person they want to end the hug already…if you pay even closer attention you’ll observe some people who don’t feel like hugging at all will enter a hug already doing the back pat movement.
This article is part of the Beginners Guide To Body Language series, please read the rest of the articles by clicking here.
Body Language: Eyes
January 26th, 2010
When first meeting someone, we all make a series of judgments about that person based on what we see with our eyes, but what do our eyes tell that person about ourselves?
We all have an intuition that tells us the eyes are the windows to the soul and make descriptive comments about someones eyes, some have warm eyes, cold eyes, beady eyes, big eyes, piercing eyes, judgmental eyes, resentful eyes ect… So what truly can we learn about someone from their eyes?
Pupils
Pupils are the only part of the body that are uncontrollable, unlike any of the other body language gestures that are unconscious but still controllable if someone is aware, pupils will act on their own contracting and dilating based on the light conditions.What many don’t know however is that pupils are also a reflection of our mood, our Pupils Dilate when we are excited or aroused, dilated pupils are directly linked to romance…womens eyes will dilate when they find the male attractive, what is known as “gazing deep into each others eyes” is an unconscious way of looking for pupil dilation in the other to get excited if we see it, haven’t you ever wondered why clubs are so poorly lit? and why so many relationships come from those places? poor lighting will cause our pupils to dilate creating the effect of arousal/excitement…when the newly met person from the opposite sex we are talking to at a club looks at our eye pupils they unconsciously think they are dilated because of them, it’s also used in marketing, some of the models I worked with were instructed to put eye drops before a photo shoot as dilated pupils in models who are used to sell a product, increase sales by up to 40% as the buyer will find them more attractive (subconsciously thinking the dilated pupil model is excited to see them from the photo), prostitutes in the 19th century would apply drops of Belladona containing atropine for pupil dilation…just look at the picture below and see which eye you find more appealing, the dilated pupil or the beady snake eye?.Contracted Pupils have the opposite meaning, when we feel angry or negative towards something, our pupils will contract.Imagine playing Poker for example with the upper hand of pupil observation…
Eyebrows
Eyesbrows are also very expressive of a persons emotions and attitude, controlled by the frontal belly of the Occipitofrontalis muscles, they can tell you if someone is angry, concerned, submissive or confused.
Raised Eyebrows: When both eyebrows are raised for a few split seconds during a greeting, it’s a sign of submissiveness…a way of saying “I come in friendlyness”, just practice right now saying a very excited “Hey!” and odds are you’ll notice how your eyebrows raised rapidly, it is also often used as a gesture of surprise.If you’ve ever observed a women plunk her eyebrows you’ll see they always pluck upwards…so the eyebrow appears as further away as possible from the eye usually 
removing the hairs close to the eye under the eyebrow rather than the hairs on top, this comes down to the basic primitive instinct where men find submissive women more attractive because it releases hormones filling them with the need to protect them…most beauty techniques women use are quite deceitful in general, ever wondered why they apply blush on their cheeks? It’s an ancient tradition used to appear timid/shy/healthy, men meet women with plucked eyebrows and blushed cheeks and once getting to know them the poor fools start wondering, “But…I thought you were submissive and shy 
”.The lovely Audrey Hepburn can be seen here doing it…though she’s also using the “Vagina Mouth” flirting gesture :S.
Lowered Eyebrows: Lowering our eyebrows is what we use to display aggressiveness, dominance or sadness, they are also lowered to display concern or authority…like a parent who is punishing their kid and sending them to their rooms without supper or tv for a week will have their eyebrows lowered while using the index finger in an authority manner as mentioned in the Palms and Thumbs article.
Eyes
The first time I read about the body language of eyes was a few years ago, it was an article that mentioned Marilyn Monroe being a genius of sensual body language, perhaps that is where the rumors of her high IQ come from, a person that can fool the world by appearing dumb and ditsy.She knew perfectly well that raising her eyebrows would be found attractive by men creating that submissive perception and need for protection, she also lowered her eyelids, slightly opened her mouth using the “Vagina Mouth” and “Boob Shoulder” flirtation gestures, gently touched her body with her hands (as a way of inviting men to do the same) and exposed her vulnerable neck (another submissive gesture) creating a pre-orgasmic face, the distance between the eyebrows and the eyelids portrayed a mysterious secretive look that all together drove men crazy and still does to this day.
I personally never found Marilyn Monroe attractive but I wondered if the eyes could create such a powerful instrument in the seduction of men, could my own personal physical attractions have some type of logical explanation as to why they occur? Many people that know me for some time know I had a slight infatuation for the Amelie movie character, after many years reading much about brain chemistry I discovered that women who have high levels of the hormone known as Estrogen, develop larger eyes and smaller chins along with fuller lips…women who have high levels of Estrogen are proven to have an easier time conceiving children, therefore women with big eyes are more fertile which as men we might be genetically predispositioned to detect unconsciously (and yes…I’m quite aware of how creepy it is to know the physical features of fertile women).My second hypothesis works around the basis that our eyes never grow, when we are babies our eyes are pretty much the size they are going to be throughout our life, therefore people who have larger eyes appear younger than they actually are, using Ronald A. Fisher’s concept of evolutionary biology known as the runaway selection stating that people genetically pursue a specific sexually attractive feature which our children may inherit and will also 
pursue it (resulting in that quality becoming more predominant in newer generations), I believe men will usually prefer younger women or who appear so by having juvenile facial features, reproduction with such females will continue the runaway selection creating even more childlike looking women in each generation, hence why blondes are so popular amongst men…because many young girls are born with blonde hair and slowly as they reach puberty their hair will darken to brown.In simpler words, as mentioned further above men’s hormone levels increase when faced with women who resemble prepubescent females as we are genetically 
preprogrammed to protect infants and specially young girls.In the movie of Amelie, the death of Princess Diana plays a huge role in Amelie’s life and Diana is the perfect example of my theory, she popularized the “Shy Smile” and had a trademark head movement which involved lowering her head and keeping her chin downwards in submissiveness while she looked up…as children are considerably shorter than us they always have to look upwards giving us the same impression she did, this is why Diana & Amelie endeared the hearts of men and women alike as while men wanted to protect them, women wanted to be like them.
Blinking: On average we blink 10 times per minute and every blink won’t last longer than 1/10 of a second, as I mentioned in the Lying Gestures article our blinking rate increases when we feel under pressure like for example when lying (though now as more people are aware of this the opposite can also apply…blinking less than 5 times per minute trying to appear honest), when the blinks last longer than 1/10 of a second i.e; 2 or 3 seconds, it is a sign that the person feels uninterested, bored or superior to you in conversational or intellectual knowledge and is trying to block you out from their sight.
Scanner: Sometimes while talking to someone you’ll notice their eyes will start scanning the environment as if they were checking out what is going on in the the surroundings, this can sometimes imply they are searching for an escape or exit because they feel uncertain of what is happening or bored (observe a sleazy guy trying to hit on a pretty girl and her reaction), another technique that occurs to the scanner is that…since they know looking away for an exit like that is impolite, they will actually stare more than usual at the person with a fake smile like a “Tight Lipped” one.
Eye Direction
The following techniques known as Neurolinguistic Programming were developed by American psychologists Richard Bandler and John Grinder.They concluded that based on our eye movements we can reveal what our brains are focusing on by telling us if we are imagining something or remembering something, the only problem is many times it may occur in a fraction of a second so you must pay close attention.It is also thought the opposite directions apply for left handed people, so if for a right hand person…remembering means looking upwards and to the right, for a left handed person it would be upwards and to the left.Also keep in mind there are three memory channels in our brain…visual stored memories, auditory stored memories and emotional/feeling stored memories, 35% of people prefer to remember something through the visual information channel (with statements such as “I see what you mean”), 25% will rather use the auditory channel (“That sounds familiar”) and the remaining 40% incline towards the feeling channel (“We reached an understanding”).
Top Right: When someone is looking to their top right, it is a sign they are remembering something using the visual channel in the brain.- Top Left: When someone is looking to their top left, it is a sign they are imagining something using the visual construction channel in the brain.This is great for when asking a liar a question that requires memory (eg: Why didn’t you bring your homework today?) and instead of looking up and to the right to remember why…the look up and to the left to imagine something and make up and excuse.
- Center Right: When someone is looking to their center right, it is a sign they are remembering a sound using the auditory channel in the brain.
- Center Left: When someone is looking to their center left, it is a sign they are imagining a sound using the auditory construction channel in the brain.
- Bottom Right: When someone is looking to their bottom right, it is a sign they are remembering either a taste, a smell or a feeling using the kinesthetic channeling of memory.
- Bottom Left: When someone is looking to their bottom left, it is a sign they are having an internal dialog with themselves either out loud or inside their heads (observe crazy people when they are blabbering to themselves and they’ll usually be using this eye direction).
If the person wears glasses, you might watch them sometimes start playing with them and sticking one arm of the glasses frame in their mouth…also known as The Pacifier, anything put in the mouth to fiddle with is a sign the person needs reassurance, in this case people who start sucking on their glasses arm frame are trying to buy themselves time from answering something and are making a decision or arranging their thoughts as to what to say.
If however they start adjusting their glasses on their nose, it sends the signal they like what they are seeing or hearing and by rearranging the glasses on their nose it’s a subconscious way of symbolically “re-focusing” their attention to make sure what they see is true…this is known as a positive evaluation gesture, for people who don’t have glasses…scratching or smoothly rubbing their eyebrow is a substitute to reveal the same internal positive attitude.
This article is part of the Beginners Guide To Body Language series, please read the rest of the articles by clicking here.
